my secret garden...

To ZOE

2011-07-23T20:09:00.002+09:30

just randomly coming back here...never expect tat i would put down a few words after closing it up for so long....

reading back the articlesss....still got feel...start to appreciate more about my life, my experience...

因缘。。。

people come people go

2010-11-27T15:58:00.002+10:30

it's so quiet suddenly....

looking back those pics...their activities in msia...
suddenly feel so worried...dunno what ll it be???
always hoping to go back
when time's coming, i start to get worried..
things that i used to do in msia, i cant continue anymore...i m too old for that, it is time to grow up...it is time to make some changes...
friends? i dun really have many back home....but we were quite close one time...
have been away for a few years...
looking at their changes...
friends that i used to hang around....ll be different...they have grown up...
everything ll be different...
starting to get used to here but i cant say so...people come people go...

how good would it be...if i never experienced any changes...
when u have only one goal, u ll go for it...with ur best...
when there are a lot of choices,u ll think it is worth to do so n so? ll u regret if this n that...

i really wish there aren't any big changes in my life....

心淡,心碎

2010-11-25T14:54:00.002+10:30

有时真的觉得很心酸...

你把他们放在心上...在首先...
可是对他们而言...却不是这一回事...
有时真想到回以前,不与任何人熟悉,至少不会觉得失望,心寒...
你越在乎的,却是越伤你越深...

我越来越不能走出这种感觉....

因缘

2010-11-04T10:34:00.015+10:30

if not cos of it...i wont have so much time...involving in those activities...having a bunch of brosss...

if not cos i was in SIT...there wont be a queen pig...piggies would have less a member...

(for so many pics we have, i still like this the best)

if not cos i m in adelaide....

if not cos of it...i wont get closer to them....

i wont get to know them....

i wont know so many good n nice uncles n anties...n shifus....

n some other new friendssss.....

it's lost or found? i have no idea...
it is all about fate

my feeling's starting to get complicated....
where's my fate would be? next yr?....

因为如此而有了这样的缘分

2010-10-30T21:15:00.002+10:30

说无情既有情
说讨厌却又不舍

2010-10-25T07:15:00.002+10:30

在准备考试的这一段日子里,
很多过去在我脑海里飞过...
在我第一年到这到现在
我在乎的人,失我的人...
有点懒得去想去理会了...

越来越想快点回家...

有点饱和了....快点考啦....

2010-10-13T18:53:00.003+10:30

又再次崩溃了...并不是为了什么...只觉得很累很累....
时间越逼近,想回家的心情越强烈.
真想此刻回到的是自己的家,而不是冷清清没人的屋子

不知是为什么...
我越来越不想跟人打交道...
做什么都提不起劲,没兴趣,只觉得很无聊...
闷闷不乐...

我好像在周围建了道防护墙
不想让人步进也不想走出去

basically, i dun feel like socializing, not emo, just being lazy...
i used to like to make myself happier, better everyday but now...
i jus feel that everything can end soon..
i want to say bye bye to everything here, everyone as well....
i need a new start....
now only i know that i dun actually like here that much, start to hate it actually....

2010-10-09T14:20:00.002+10:30

真的很没意义...

在Adelaide三年了...做过什么,为什么,忙什么,奋斗什么...只有三个字没意义
这可说是我人生中最没意思的三年...
又没干过什么特别有意义的事,又没特别的高兴,又没真的学习到什么(有,只感觉到负能量)...
简直是不三不四,浪费时间...

真想快点结束2010年

2010-09-26T21:35:00.009+09:30

Sunday...at the temple again...
was quite surprise when i first saw some decoration in the 'library', then i recalled that today was 'elderly day'. they have it every 3 mths. jus to celebration birthday for elderly whose bday fall in those 3 mths...

as usual, i hided myself in the kitchen...
'fry the tofu for me.'
'cut that vege for me.'
'help me to wash the noodle.'
'help me to look for tomatoes.'
'help me to wrap presents.''
'bring that for me...'
everyone kept calling me!!! which one should i do first???!!! S.O.S...@@

not many ppl helping in the kitchen...ya, as usual i was the only youth there (not many ppl like to go in but just dunno y i feel more comfortable mixing with them). an untie kept coming in n asking me to go out to help her...but others not allow cos not enough ppl in the kitchen...lol...then she came in n called the '2 bday 'gals'' out for celebration...kena 'scolded' again......wakaka...

was damn busy...but i enjoyed...lots of jokes n laughs the whole day...ya of cos...because i'm 'belonged' to the kitchen, i get a chance to eat special food....wakkakkaka

hmm...not many ppl actually...but that is not the main thing...happy to see everyone smiling n some activities for elderly...

'gui ying jie'...wowowww....she is very good at singing...she was entertaining us for the whole morning...

'leong pak'...he had stroke during this CNY...n he is in the nursing home at the moment...since then we ll visit him every sun...chit-chatting with him...i m not going as often but others are...

'yuk yi'...the 'youngest' one in the kitchen...n the most energetic one, u can spot her in most of the pics...=P...this is her great-grand

'ho tai'...the 'boss' of the kitchen...she has a very bad temper...but she was in a very good mood today...i said i wasn't feeling well n she made cocacola with lemon for me...surprisingly...everyone was so surprised too...

all the 'sou seng gong' 'sou seng lui'...hee...

master...jus a random one...it was on shifu's seat when i first get in...ya, i went to shifu's hse again...heee

i think i truly got sick...i feel a bit 'hot'...cannot!!! more activities coming...
越来越不舍得...

power of blogging

2010-09-23T23:45:00.004+09:30

i like to blog again...

feel so good every time after writing something here...
especially, when i was a bit down or 'messy'...

this time is not about my activity anymore...
more about myself...

feel like writing diary...

when i was in my high school, my school wanted us to write sth to our form teacher every week or at least every month...
it could be anything...it's liked a dairy or weekly dairy
i used to hate writing...cos i dunno what to write...
i ended up never writing anything in my last few years in high school...
now, i feel like letting my form teacher to 'mark'
if she saw my 'diary', think she ll refer me to the counselor, i would call them 'counselling teachers'...

where is my heart?

2010-09-23T22:44:00.002+09:30

我的'心'不见了...
行尸走肉,我在干嘛...差不多三年了吧!!!

责任感不见了,
开朗的性格不见了,
以前,永远处于兴奋的状态,
从不计较,不想太多,只会往前冲,凡事用心去干的陈诗瑜去了哪?

现在,永远处于低沉状态,太平静了...
难道我成熟了?终于长大了?可是这为免太慢了点吧...

我还是比较喜欢以前傻大姐的我...是不是都傻笑一场...
该'心'抓回来了...

用心干!
smile...

其实还蛮不舍得在如是,在竹林建立起的友情网络...

down to Murray Bridge

2010-09-19T20:43:00.006+09:30

yesterday i went to Murray Bridge for an intern interview...i took a bus from the city and changed another bus in Mt Baker. i was quite relaxing on the bus this time...i felt much more 'freerer' compared to my previous 2 trips (Mt Gambier n Victor Harbour). felt like i m having a vacation...i quite like the place actually...dunno is cos of my mood or what...i felt everything was so good yesterday...

一样是一个人不同的是心境
was alone too but the feeling is very different

i have taken some random pics...

Mt Baker bus station, this is where i changed my bus. it is the end of the metro bus service.

the view when i was on my way back

but no matter how....decision has been made or i should say i have never changed my mind actually...

hmm...feel like having a trip here...houseboating sound interesting...

梦醒...改变...

2010-09-16T20:02:00.003+09:30

梦醒三步曲:

凡事别想太多,别猜疑
只收藏开心事,往好处想
忘掉过去,向前看,明天会更好.保持开朗的心情.

老实说一天没改变环境,是很难从新开始的...不过我会加油的!!!
陈诗瑜,你一定要开心!!!
smile =)

i wish my blog will be happier...i need a new adventure!

jia you!

2010-09-16T19:52:00.000+09:30

人常常最容易的就是忽略了'身边'的人

....
算了吧!

回首三年

2010-09-15T23:31:00.004+09:30

留澳的三年...我做过什么? ...我只不过是过了个没意义,没目标,没乐趣的三年...
留澳的三年里,它磨掉了我的乐观,磨去了我的欢乐,抹杀了我的人生,不知所谓的三年...
澳洲拿走了我许多的眼泪...为些不入流的人掉泪,烦恼...真讽刺!!!

够了!!!我受够了!!!
真想尽早离开这里...
这里只给了我悲观的人生...我只存有在这里的负面档案...
学会了憎恨,不满,比较,埋怨...

我开始不知高兴的感觉,不知如何笑,不知如何与人沟通...有点封闭自己的倾向...
明明不想笑还是要对着人强颜欢笑,明明不想讲话还是要对着人开玩笑...
陈诗瑜,你几时变得这么虚伪,你的大邋邋的性格去了哪?!!!爽快的个性去了哪?
由心而笑的笑声去了哪?喜欢带给大家欢乐的陈诗瑜去了哪?
什么是快乐????
开始有点讨厌自己...

veron, i think u r the only one who notices my changesss...thanks for ur reminder...
jo, u r the one who brings a true happiness to me...thank you very much...somehow i lik to be with u due to ur cheerfulness and positiveness...

是时候醒了...

WTFUCK....

2010-09-14T10:56:00.000+09:30

'wah, the mirror is so big! Wah, the table is so big!!!! Wah!! wah!!wah!!!' people would say that when first seen my room.

'Wah the Fuck!!! wah the Fcuk!!!' but, this is what i think!! it would be nice if thing is practical...but this...WTF!!! the mirror so big for what?!!! can only see half the body...r u a ghost?!! only has half body?!! or u just flying one...oh yea~~~if that u definitely won't scratch the floor...the table so big for what?!!! cos of it, i can't push my bed all the to the wall...would u like it if u kick something while u r sleeping?!!! i have tolerated myself for all this...but what the FUCK....others would just say 'y can't u be consideration for others? y can't u just (this)...(that)....' does anyone consider my feeling?

ya the house is nice but sorry i dun appreciate it...cos of such a landlord...i would rather have the small cosy UV especially when ur privacy is not being interupted...inspect! inspect! inspect! then nagging! nagging! nagging!...i dun enjoy staying here at all!!!!paying such a rate with such house n location ya...it worth!!!! oh well....ya, cheaper than UV, bigger than UV, nicer than UV.....but i dun enjoy...what is this for?!!! Last year in Australia?!!! bad bad lousy FUCK suck impression for me....SUCK Susanne FUCK Susanne just won't let me to have a peaceful time...since the first time i talked to her....i dun like her....maybe she thought that way to me as well....but i dun care!!!! u thought u r the landlord, then can just walked into others house like that?!!! u thought u urself is the landlord can just disturb others to the max with a sms like that?!!! Renovate woooo....'i just want to please everyone so...' if u r out my sign then i would be happy....looking at u, i dunno how to smile...sorry i can't smie at people i dun like n when i m not happy....not like u...fake people....(these r people who can win in this real life....i would be a looser...i know...)

AUSTRALIA!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

This year is such a SUCK SUCK year....especially when my life has first tied up with her....staying in her apartment is the start of my nightmare....i can't deny that my personality has changed a lot in this year....

i dunno since when i start to be hatred...never have such thing before in Msia....

parcel from malaysia

2010-09-07T16:59:00.006+09:30

that day, i've jus collected a parcel from the post office...

it is a parcel from my brother. he kept asking whether i had have it for the past few days..kept complaining why i never reply him...hey...i just got the notice to collect on friday evening, how was i about to get it? scolding him from the phone...'y dun u just open a post office here? then i can collect it anytime...'

hmm...i never ask anything from him n my birthday has past for agesss....n i already got a card from him which exactly the same from last time...=.=" anyway, it's a small box n i saw 'key chain' written there...har?!!! giv me a key for what?!!! i opened it in a food-court n i saw 'OLAY-Total effects'...har?!!! facial product????

ya, it is jus a box to protect it...there 2 key chains. hamburger with a mirror n a donut...do u know that it ll make me think of food if i look at it?!!! why food?!!!!

it does smell like a hamburger actually but it doesn't smell as strong as the 'buns' that i saw last year...luckily...heee....

at first, it didn't seem to mean anything to me...
'sharon n i found these cute so send to u.' this's the msg i got from him...
feel so good n sweet when there is somebody who would think of u even u r so far away...
who ll still think of u when time passing n everyone all around other places???

2010-08-29T00:16:00.002+09:30

since i have been here, i get to exposed to a lot of things...

sports, especially, rushi youth group has brought me to a lot of sports which i have never get to play before in msia. the first time i get involved was the Mini Sport Game last year. I've played volleyball, badminton, fooser and basketball....other than that, i get to play tennis and table tennis...this year i had a chance to have performance on the stage...a lot of memories...knowing lots of friends...

freedom...is the most thing i have here...go out anytime i like...n get back anytime...hanging around with friends...or maybe in friends' house...chitchatting, has trips...happy?

i m confused at the moment. is this a life? days without family...is that what i want?

no matter how i m, i still feel something missing in my life...sth i m not understood. y they can just leave their family, their parents?

do i still have wings? can i keep flying? can guama 'be kept' longer? is it worth for me to invest another year of my life?

i think i m too heavy...

2010-08-13T13:44:00.002+09:30

holiday!!!! finally i have a break!!!!

dun feel lik doin anything...starting to mold at home....
watching hong kong drama the whole morning...relaxing....
but...jus dunno y....i m very worried suddenly, feel weird suddenly....

a feeling that cannot be described by words...

seem to have lots of frens....but...no one that i can talk to...

sarcastic!

friendship??? what's that???
u treat others as frens...care about...giving support....
but to them....u r jus a clown...

2010-07-31T23:15:00.003+09:30

hey....it is time to make a summary to my life again...busy busy....i m always busy...
busy for this and that...in the end, i have no idea what m i doin....

tired...tired...tired...

maybe i m tired cos of the placement?
maybe i m tired cos of my future?
maybe i m tired cos of keep thinking, picturing...

i just feel very tired....

smiling on my face becomes lesser
happiness in my heart becomes lesser...

maybe i m just so stingy...
stingy to smile
stingy to laugh
stingy to talk
stingy to feel...

very tired...

missing home very much...starting getting used to the life here...tiring to get start again...where should i go? what should i do? where is my comfy zone? where m i belonging to?

hate to choose
hate to think

can anyone just pick for me?

to u, maybe i seem very decisive...
BUT i m not....

my big day in 2010

2010-07-08T17:13:00.011+09:30

hey, i m here to my blog again...i m not updating my blog as often as i did last year...however, this is another thing that i wish to share long time ago...

it is about my birthday celebration...
my dearest housemate know that i prefer to have home-based thingy...so...she decided to have it at home...this joker even asked me to go out n get food on my own n choose the cake that i like...so that they won't get sth that i dun like...oh yeah!!! such a caring housemate....

hmmm....y caryn was hiding behind me? ya..u r tall but not tall enough...ok?!

dunno what's wrong with us...i just feel lik hugging u guys....

group photo

no fancy celebration, no gorgeous decoration, no fantastic activity...we just gather n eat...to be honest, i m not very close to them but i feel comfortable n warm...

feel so lucky that to have u guys around...

2010-06-30T11:00:00.002+09:30

我真的觉得很迷惘
开始不知自己在干嘛。。。

谁可以为我指路？

一个人旅行

2010-06-18T17:26:00.004+09:30

不知哪来的勇气, 我买了张车票独自一人到victor harbor 找前室友去了
谢谢poh n hooisoo来送车
谢谢你的波罗包 n bubble tea...谢谢你, 我有点急了...
不是我喜欢热闹, 喜欢忙碌...只因宁静会让我想很多
此时此刻到了一个人的时刻...我...还是想起了他...

今年, 我接触到了很多人, 认识许多朋友, 可是没想到你还存在
我真的很不明白, 我可以得到无数人的关心, 无数的问候...为何你偏偏缺席在名单之中
鼓起勇气尝试再与你联络, 你没回应
难道我们已经成了陌生人吗?

你的影子, 与你的片段一直出现在我脑海里
我真的很想问一句:'你过得如何? 好不好?'

我曾告诉过自己许多次...该放手了
可是我没做到, 拖止今天...值得吗?
你的扭扭捏捏, 爱理不理, 时冷时热, 真的让我很难受...

两年半了...我还值得继续等下去吗?
本以为干了, 没想到此刻的我, 还再因你而掉泪
我还值得因你而继续等下去吗?
我真的很累了...很想很想立刻回家, 永远离开这块土地, 这个带给我许多复杂故事的地方
我已经快要崩溃了...

2010-05-31T18:46:00.003+09:30

today, my preceptor assessed my work. it was the first. he asked me lots of questions...i dunno how to ans...even a very simple question...what is the 1st line treatment for type-1 diabetes...can u imagine i was struggling on this kind of question? basically i have forgotten everything, ya it is everything...

'how can this kind of student get to 4th yr? what uniSA doing now...' though he din say out but i know what his thought when talking to me...

he assessed me a lot a lot...
'you should know everything on top of ur head. u should be able to answer in a few second...'
feeling myself so useless n stupid....

so frustrated...ya...y m i here?
at this point i still asking myself this question...pharmacy is not what u think it was...
i m still very confused...

to be honest...i have no 'heart' at all...just do what i have to do...but my 'heart' has gone long time ago...

BALANCE...what is the balance?!

shark fishing

2010-05-06T09:22:00.004+09:30

once upon a time, three girls caught a shark. they were so surprised as the shark was very big...

"hmm...what should we do with it?
shark fin soup? shark fillet?"

after discussing, they decided to sell it in a free market....

wakakakka.......

birthday card

2010-05-05T23:34:00.002+09:30

To my wonderful sister,

sometimes,
it takes years
to understand
what having a sister
is all about.
when we were younger,
you were "just my sister."
But now,
I truly appreciate
the special person
you are...

haha...getting the same birthday card from from brother this year. was so surprised when seeing it thought he stole it and sent it back to me again....

he said this is the best card for me...that's why dunno why getting the same card without knowing it

=)

messages to my dearest frensss

2010-05-05T14:23:00.004+09:30

lots thing to talk to my frens...missing them so much~~~

to jo,
hope u start to enjoy ur life there...miss the time with u u...1006 a place where we used to sleep together...wakkaka...passing by semophore that day, thinking of u...kite flying, the proposal, cant forget the unique big TV screen there...heading to state library to borrow some DVDs...thanks for passing me some of the new movies...i miss the time watching movies n eating crackers with u...

thanks for leading me to a happy life....

to veron,
fatty, a name given by jo for u...ya, the skinniest one called fatty...muahahah...u r so sweet...so energetic maybe...gullible, a word that i have learnt from u...glad that u truly enjoy in the 'Spring'...
(now only i realise, i dun have many pics with u...sigh...)

to sakai,
haha...u so sakai....cant forget that u always taking ur camera with u...

thanks for ur caring....

to siying,
hardly talk to u...u always busy...but i know even though we can't get to see or talk to each other...our hearts still together....sound so...lesbian....wakakakak...u know what i mean....

to soxi,
same here...how r u going now?

remember? Taurus forever...(lost the pic leh...who got keep it?)

2010-05-03T14:08:00.001+09:30

can somebody please tell me what should i do?

insomia

2010-04-23T03:45:00.006+09:30

i couldn't sleep!

not cos of the tiramisu (thanks for hooisoo giving me so much coffee for that cake) that i have eaten just now. nth to do with it...we were having an old topic again, talking about future, the year after 2010, the life in Adelaide versus Malaysia. talking with friend about the future career after that, making me more worried and lost...

symptoms exacerbated by the career management skills lecture. was damn stress when Nina Tabor talking about it in the class...

haihzz...
thought i would have made up my mind after AP400 but still cant make up my mind...do I able to get the job where i want to? will i get a good pharmacist(s) to work with? is it worth to do so? worth if i want to go back? if i stay on, how about my family? same questions keep coming to my mind on n off...

my brother is going to marry in Feb next year. when i heard the date they have set, i dun really feel that happy like my friends who heard their sis or bro marriage. i start to worry, very uncertain. ya, i know things won't have changed a lot cos she's actually staying with us. 'koko wanna marry.' the only thing in my mind...think i have been in a 'stage' for too long, it's time for me to proceed to another stage...'wah, koko has grown up! me?!' can't accept that maybe...

it is quite hot but i feel cold...

ya...i m blogging at 3.50am.

2010-04-15T00:45:00.003+09:30

ya...just get back....
ya...me? so busy again...keep going out...

before exam, was busying, then busy studying for final, after exam keeps going out again...a lot of things i have left out...my friends, especially my housemate, not spending much time at home, letting her doing all the housework n cook for me...feel so bad...

2010-04-07T23:21:00.002+09:30

Alzheimer

mental health....whenever comes to this topic, i sure think of her...

lots questions in my mind...
'Why?'
'should or shouldn't'

dreaming of her that she had get better, normal which is impossible

not spending enough time with her, can't accept the reality still....

jus having a little sport after tests

2010-04-04T23:06:00.007+09:30

volleyball, not very good at it but i like to play

volleyball gang....lots new membersss this year......

2nd day, early in the morning, we went for hiking. It is Morialta Park. there are 2 pathways: early and hard. We took the hard one. yeah~ i made it...

this is the steepest road...so scary n so hard to walk...going up? not a very big problem but we gotta come down from the same path...a bit worried to my knees at actually cos have injured before...piew....coming down safely....

hiking matesss......

2010-03-30T21:17:00.004+10:30

wanted to study....taking out the notes, sitting in front of the laptop, staring at the laptop, dunno what am i doing....

feel so tired...not because of just finishing the MM test...

i really feel tired...wanted to go back...

not leaving any msg in the facebook cos there are too many ppl....

not much in msn anymore cos relatives n brother r there too...

here is the only place...not many ppl know...nobody viewing it even...

why aren't u online?

mum n dad's story

2010-03-22T22:19:00.010+10:30

after dinner with jo, poh n carynn, we went for coffee. oh...ya! jo's back...heeee.....she comes for a seminar. she craved for coffee after dinner...she found a coffee maker but no coffee at home...too bad..so we went out...me?! of course not having coffee...it's iced choc...hahahaa....

we talked about our funny, interesting parents. after talking with them, i decided to tell the interesting story of them...i dun mean to make fun on them, just feel like keeping their story...

day 1,
stubborn father reluctant to rest, ended up sick and trapped in the apartment the rest the day...
mum n i went to sushi train for dinner without dad...she kept complaining about him...

day 2,
their journey started. 1st station, bunnings and ikea...haaa....bunnings, a place that dad has to go in Aus. when we 1st get in sydney, uncle james said there was sth spoiled then my dad said go to bunnings to get sth. my cousins were shocked when hearing 'bunnings'...without resting, he straight to bunnings...his holiday is doing more work...

they found their own way there by bus. learning to buy ticket, read the board at the bus stop, getting down, playing the 2h trip with the bus ticket from the bus from a random indian man. was quite worried and felt bad cos cannot bring them along. but they wanted one. i have told them not to come, nth much in adelaide, but they still wanted to come..oh well....buying sth back...

day 3,
went back to the same place to return sth. dad said he has only explore 40% of bunnings. spending the remaining time in the food court of ikea. ordering a cup of soft drink, refilling for like 8 times...worth the price he paid...china man...

mum had a chat with a local taking about his life working in china as a lecturer, earning a lot but could only be a cleaner in the airport in Adelaide....hmmm....is she hinting sth? a random fellow walked to my mum n asked a weird question :"are u from china?" then walked away...mum was pointing n shouting at him asking the same ques....y she did so? cos she said since he asked her 1st then she just asked him back...=.=" ya this is my mum....

day4,
marion. they went there on their own with the bus timetable. mum was randomly grabbing anyone on the bus and chat...asking a student from china to work hard...

day 5,
tea tree plaza. i tot they din get to there. but my dad was so smart, he grabbed the timetable that i left on the table and found their own way there...luckily, they have seen the orban...surprisingly, the same shop in marion and tea tree plaza selling the same thing but at a very different price.

y asking them to all those places? shouldn't shopping centre in msia better? shouldn't i ask them to harbour town or handorf? believe me, they don't like those. they are more interesting in new and different thing, high tech stuff...they bought a lot...think they bought about 40kg of hardware n gardening stuff things. trying their best to feed all those things with few bags....

all the while, mum kept complaining about dad when they get back from their adventure.
'he in menopause lo, so shy, dun dare to ask ppl, scared to buy ticket on his own...etc....'
mum too actually, acting so crazily...=.="

a typical post of them...standing still

check on the carry bag of my dad....that is the bag they use for shopping, to bring back a lot of stuff. they like it very much...no matter what dad wanna bring it along. just dunno y, he looked like a china man, tong san lou....a typical china man...hhaaaa....

doesn't my grandma looked like a little girl?

2010-03-20T17:07:00.003+10:30

finally having time n mood to do such thing...

looking through everything...
pasting it one by one...
bringing lots of memoriesss.....

can anyone still remember them???
pictures, notes, messages from u guys...

thank you very much

2010-03-19T19:17:00.003+10:30

m doing so badly.....

it is getting worse...
one time worse than one time....
this time is lagi cangih...i hit the critical error...

so lost...sad...dunno what should it do....

dun mean to wrote anything about my studies one...
it is so dull and boring
but can't help, this is the only where i can talk....

PP...
fang pi (means farting)

2010-03-16T00:16:00.002+10:30

studying dementia and delirium making me thinking of my grandma...

calling back...
mum said she is getting tanner cos she likes to walk. she can walk damn long. now they are not allow her to walk out anymore...being locked...feeling so sad. because of her, the whole center has to be locked, it was opened freely before she is there...mum also said she is become more anti-social. refusing to talk to anyone in the center...

ya...she has changed the center...this isn't an alzheimer center. It is just a normal old age center. Everyone there is normal...mum said she seems to prefer here...but i m worried if she keeps being so aggressive and stubborn, she might not be allowed to stay there anymore. HOW?

2010-03-14T14:34:00.002+10:30

my phone's memory is full again...have to delete some messagesss....

going through a lot messages, seeing those names, bringing back some of the memoriesss.....
memories of me n friends...the reason of us sms-ing...

missing them...everyone...those daysss....

y everyone likes to look back? recalling?

a quiet n silent night

2010-03-06T00:28:00.005+10:30

A quiet and silent night which i always wish to have since i m in Adelaide...

it is...so comfortable...so enjoying....this night...no one at home...no noise...
These 2 nights are the only time that i can get to do anything i feel like...feel so free....

not that I dun like or dun one others to come over...but can u imagine different ppl come to ur house every night? it is just so busy for every night...can u stay with it for long term?
feeling so bad...
actually i do welcome them but just the timing....

2010-03-03T13:13:00.009+10:30

it is time to catch up...

ya, i m back to Adelaide...it is the same place, same uni...but it seems so different to me...faces are not the same anymore...they have left...ya they are done but i m not...

i have moved to a new apartment...ya i m moving again...cos Jo has left...It is Princes Apartment this time.

finally, i m settled down. It was so busy...non-stop of ppl coming my house...at first was hooisoo, then my parents then uncountable number of ppl...my house has always been so noisy...maybe it would be better if there is a door...anyway, i have chosen it on my own...no complaint. don't really have enough rest...

everything has moved out from my house. it is so empty now...feel so sad...

the balcony, it so clean now after a few time of flushing and brushing...

the living room, the shark is still here...i cant believe it...=.="

the kitchen...

last it is my room. after a few times of shifting and organising, this is it. 'the door' at right...and my bed is stick to the wall (hopefully it would be like tat all the while...heee)

my housemate, maria caryn, enjoying her fruit on her own...wahahha

this is my new look. i have cut my hair short. it is damn short. it has undergone 2 stages of changing actually. at first, it was at my shoulder length. ya like those mushroom hair...cant really take it need to blow the hair straight everyday after shower. then i went to cut again before i coming back here...it's like auntie when i first cut, it is better after i have pin it...

why was i cutting my hair? it is just a miscommunication among mum n i and miscommunication among the auntie, who cut my hair n mum and miscommunication among the auntie and me...

now only i realise short hair is the fashion for this year.=P

2010-02-27T19:42:00.004+10:30

不知曾几何时我开始学会了比较,总决得别人很幸运很好命...
不知曾几何时我开始学会了嫉妒,不满自己的现状...

不知曾几何时我开始厌倦了...

为何总有贵人在他人身边...

2010-02-15T23:36:00.003+10:30

how can i work with my this tiring body?

since the 1st day i m here, i dun really have enough rest
at 1st, i thought i can settle everything since i was here earlier...
but lots things happening...

i know i have lots things to do
i know i have not much time...
but lots things blocking me from doing so....
pissing off sometimes...

from the 1st day till now, i m just feeling tired
no other than tat...

no time n energy to study...

pls stop talking to me...i just want to be myself....
tired, moody, dun feel lik talking....

2010-02-11T00:21:00.000+10:30

i miss them....

2010-02-09T00:09:00.001+10:30

first day of uni...

hmm...
noth much about it

not happy, not excited...
...............
..................
.................

2010-01-28T23:30:00.002+10:30

going back sooooonnnnnn.................

when i was in Adelaide, i din really feel like coming back. when i m in malaysia, i dun feel like going back there...

i was in adelaide, not that i din like msia, din miss them: family n frens. i missed everything back home! but at the same time, i was a bit unwilling to go back cos i was going to miss frens and things there...

when i m back in malaysia, i wanna stay on. dun feel like going back to study...till now i still regret that i din take the action 3 years ago...if i did that, i would it be? i couldn't imagine it but at least i wouldn't have this complicated feeling.

y so complicated? my feeling?
having the mixing of happy n unhappy...
at this moment, i m more sad...

2009-11-26T03:34:00.002+10:30

nearly had a fight with mum early in the morning cos of grandma...
got scolded by mum cos i din hang the clothes for her....cos i had forgotten...
mum n dad were fighting cos of a small issue...
dad was hitting the cupboard...
never seen him so angry like that in my life...
cold war then...the whole dinner was so....quiet...
me?! ran through the red light...1st time...
again...i wasn't concentrating...

finally, went back to see my bross....
so happening that all r TANS there...

2009-11-24T19:21:00.002+10:30

mum, i want to talk to u
but...u dun have time to listen to me

i can only talk to myself again here
this is the purpose of me having a blog at the very first place anyway
should i call this my emo zone?

why?!
why u enter my life again
why u leaving without saying anything
why?!

*tearing*

i m not ready to tell everyone i m back yet...
*alone*

2009-11-23T23:06:00.001+10:30

害怕一个人的时刻
害怕听到这类歌
可是电台却偏爱拨此类型的歌
我知道如此驾车是很危险
可是当我一人的时候...

2009-11-22T08:00:00.003+10:30

why?
why?
why?

为何如此对待我?!

the end of 2009

2009-11-20T22:06:00.002+10:30

a year of living life in Adelaide has come to the end
a feeling of leaving without getting the answer

mum, dad, guama, koko, sharone...can't wait to see u guys!

2009-11-19T17:53:00.002+10:30

我真的很不懂
很不明白

i broke my bowl

2009-11-17T23:48:00.000+10:30

离回家的日子不远了...
到Rundle Mall拿了些盒子,准备收拾东西...
可是却觉得很茫然,提不起劲,很是不安...

无法形容的感觉....

2009-11-12T09:38:00.002+10:30

finally, everything comes to the end...
i m so tired
feel lik going back
miss my family so much
want to go back soon

but........
a bit unwelling to go back

cos
i know....
once i have left this country
once i have gone back
i won't be able to meet some people anymore
some friends that i care of so much
friends that bring a lot got memories
my friends...

'there is always a chance'
but
it is a bit impossible
due to each one's' commitment, time....
it is not that flexible anymore
it is hard to catch up...

a few days left...time to say goodbye...my friends
all the best to u all

戒文师傅之扞面篇 a treat by the master

2009-11-01T23:37:00.020+10:30

hang in the master's house again...this time, he made his own noodle for us...he has just learnt it from other else...he wanted to show off la...heeheh..but..........................

here is the procedure of making the dough
step 1: add flour

step 2: move to a table and mix

step 3: squat and mix in the garden

he had changed 3 places just to mix the flour. =.="

introducing you the methods of mixing
method 1: jumping

method 2: washing

method 3: throwing (paiseh...no picture cos it happened too fast and the dough rolled onto the grass...so...our noodle had natural additives - grass...hahaha)

method 4: poking

then, it's to roll the dough

this is how a monk using a rolling pin. roll the rolling pin into the dough...=.="

no bad...it is very thin actually...
but it is 21 century now...should use noodle making machine la...much more faster and efficient...

bandages....

cooking....

last, eating!!!!

no bad...the noodle was QQ...and shining

no quality control...some were soo big

even though, he is a monk but he is also a youngster too...lots of funny thought...u can make joke on him one...he has changed my view to the monk...

glenelg trip - kite flying

2009-10-30T16:17:00.025+10:30

finally, i had the chance to fly kite! i remember the first time i flied kite was a few months ago. Jo n I went to Samophore beach. it was march. Now, we went again, to glenelg....

we went there quite late but just nice to the beach cos not so hot...no sunburn this time...n the weather was not so cold too...

seldom see so much cloud in adelaide

we couldn't fly it at first, a bit disappointed but luckily we managed to fix it at last...hohoho...just a little different to the setting of the kite, it couldn't fly. but i felt it was quite amazing when the kite was not fixed properly. it kept making a circle, very nice but it would attack ppl, landed on or hit u...haha...funny...

doggie, doggie, digging digging....

hey poh, stop drinking!

new fashion! jo, u are so up-to-date...

haihz...taulee, u need practice...

oh! my belly...

pose girls...

jumping shots!

aiya...just got jo only...

nice! got me n jo but....hmm...think better focus on the middle 1...

ar~~~jump!! but...hahahha....

i believe i can fly~~~i believe i can touch the sky!!!

wow~~oyster!! jakun...=.="

cannot waste...liam, liam, liam...haha...

poh, can u order sth for youngsters 1? the coffee...so dark lik my calligraphy's ink...

wahh...scary jo, it is just a pizza...no need to be like tat...

peking duck pizza. interested? 1st time seeing so much spring onion in western food. interesting!

next time i can have wanton mee pizza, siu mai pizza or char xiu bao pizza...hahha...can make a lot money since everyone likes sth different, sth new...

collecting a sample

2009-10-26T13:15:00.006+10:30

share an interesting experience of mine with u...

today i went for a medical check-up for the visa thing. they asked me to collect the urine sample. for those who have done this before sure know that we need to pee out a bit before collecting...here it is the problem. in m'sia, we already get used to squat but here...there is no such thing...so i dun care just pee everything into the cup...... ......... ..........

oh shit!!! i have been drinking too much! the cup doesn't big enough to fill it...no choice i gotta hold and continue to pee into the toilet bowl...hmmm...now, i have realised my pelvic floor muscle is not bad. I can control the urge...hahaha....

A happening day

2009-10-25T23:28:00.023+10:30

it was so happening the whole day...

sunday, as usual, i will go to the temple...praying for a charles prince? not really...dun really lik him though. Normally i will just hide myself in the kitchen. Ya, a place where to keep food, a place where to prepare food. A heaven for me?! to eat?! nono?! dun mistaken!!! i m just helping up...tasting the food for them...haha....

master jie wen offered me to practice calligraphy in his house...ya...i do like to write though not very good at it...so...when i got there, a couple came n wanna outing and taking picture. Oh well...we went all the way to Barossa Valley. Ya it is Barossa, the winery. So happening that i have a camera in my bag...haha...

here are some of my shots....
Temple happening...

somebody brought a baby...Her hands r so cute...sososo tiny...i made her holding my finger to hav a camparison...

auntie yok, a lady who is in charged in cookin rice. There was a day she din come n we all nearly forgot to cook rice...
she makes me think of guama, esp when lookin at her hand, full of freckles n blue veins standing out...i used to play with it when i was a kid...heee :P

Mr Chan, the boss in the kitchen and who teaches me how to cook esp deal with large amount of food, using massive utensils. He askes me to cook for my parents when i get back....hmm...the wok at home is too small la..dunno how to use leh...

heading to barrossssaaaaaa....

speed visit...2hrs there n back....wooowww....
think of getting mead...huh?! in front of the master?? haha...he even brought out a chinese idiom - 不醉不散, means cannot leave if not drunk...but contradicted by me with a dharma teaching - 不饮酒, no intoxication....haha...but we din get to, not enough time, we went there quite late and only visited the lavendar farm which is highly recommended by the master.

master jiewen, the photograher of them...he is quite good at it...but...with a pic he took, blocked by his finger...haha...then we went to another winery. When the master get down, 2 dogs suddenly ran towards him, he quickly hopped into the car with the knees kneeling on the seat and closed the door...the way he did was so funny...one of the dogs also jumped towards me, its nose nearly touched my nose...so sudden n so hyper the dog is when seeing us...

master jiewen lost his manner a bit on that day - hopping into the car, chasing and frightening a cat away, din sit properly...haha...a monk who is very different to the story books...haha

i got a nice photo! but jo said it was blocked by a shadow...ya...at the bottom left...nvm...nice try! i have impoved!!! yeah!!!

tea time!!!
thing that he must do every time...hmm...not very good at it...basically i only drink for thirst...n...try to help him to finish the nuts in his house...haha
i saw 2 very cute, tiny cups...

vegetarian steamboat dinner!!!

no meat in steamboat, not that nice. I m omnivore!!!
Thanks for the dinner anyway but i still dunno what their names are...hahaha...as usually never remembered ppl's name...

wah!!! so yellow they all were!!! roar~~~

wow....biggest computer i have ever seen...

just nice for 2nd round! drinking!!! intoxication!!!
after a day of vege, it is time to have something different!!!

our drinks
Jo-vodka n passionfruit, poh-visky on the rock (drink like an old man), me-vodka lime

woolshed on hindley
the place is quite nice actually. i like the design...so antique and unique but not the bartender. So impatient, nearly spoiled my good mood of the whole day...

2009-10-23T09:41:00.003+10:30

I always ask myself...
if i din go...
if i din come...
if i stayed around her...
will she deteriorate so fast?

i know it is a chronic disease, it ll not develop in a day...
but yet i still ask myself like that...

if i m able to stay with her, to take care her, or may quarrel with her...
maybe...maybe her symptoms won't occur so fast...
maybe she might still able to take care of herself, cooked for us, did sth that she like, hung around with her friends, talked to the phone...

maybe i have made a wrong decision...
sometimes, i keep blaming myself...
i might be one of the causes...

y should i leave since i wanna go back?

2009-10-19T10:00:00.002+10:30

对未来的越来越不肯定
开始有了胆怯
想逃避

回想了许多许多

回到过去 - back to the past

2009-10-18T09:54:00.002+10:30

2009-10-18T08:07:00.006+10:30

I was waken up by a call...i felt very weird...

i wish at this moment...
when i open my eyes, i was in my own bedroom...
when i open my door, i could see my papa, mammy, guama, koko n sharone...
i could see my 2 big black n a white dogs running, chasing around the house...
i wish i can see all this...

i wish i can go out together with my family in a car...

心中有股莫名其妙的感觉由心而上。。。

i wish i could play back to 2 years ago that i was still in m'sia, i had thought to have credit transfer, i din want to leave actually...i m quite regreted that i din take the action...regreted that i din discuss about it with them...

2 years ago...i wish i was in 2 years ago...

soup of the day

2009-10-13T21:41:00.004+10:30

what's that????

ya i m boiling my sponge n table cloth. I felt very uncomfortable to the sponge when i wanted to wash my dishes. i can even smell sth from the sponge. i can't stand it so i decided to 'cook' my sponge n also the table cloth. jo found it weird n funny and kept laughing at me but it is normal rite? heat...membasmikan kuman...since the gas is free, why dun fully utilise it?!

sponge n table cloth soup...ready to eat? haha...

i feel better with my sponge now... 'taste' better after boiling...=P

4th rushi youth camp

2009-10-09T08:11:00.008+10:30

i m back!!!

went for a 4D3N camp, hosted by rushi, staying in the temple for 3 night...it was only 14 of us...experience all sort of things....the whole camp was $60. what laysim has broken down for us. the T-shirt is $15, treated $5 for electricity, water and transport, $10 for each day, roughly $3 for each meal...worth for the cost of $60...haha...

1st day...
basically, it's to know each other and station games. quite amazing that they can incoorporate those dharma teaching into the clue. luckily, we had a dharma genius in my group.

2nd day...
basicall, it's all about mental games. humanised chess, interesting that they put western chess and eastern chess together and come out with a chess that we had to be the chessman...calligraphy, debate, tea zen...'black forest' which come out a lot of interesting and funny stories. we were told to follow the rope as we were blind-folded, some ppl stop for a few min when they found a knot with a lot of branches, some even walked around the room and found the same way out as entrance (don't know who's that cos they wanna protect the committee woo...ll try to dig out who's the fellow...hohoho) chris was hold to bang the wall by the person who incharged in that station, laysim, an independent girl,pushed away the person who went to help her as she couldn't find her way out....me??? couldn't bother following the rope, i just walked straight, hoping one rope to the other, as i know the setting of the room (cos been there every sun). n all sort of funny stories when come to a sharing time....

3rd day...
handi-captain ball, some parts of our body were tied to be handicap, disabled, blind...to have a net-ball game. luckily, we wasn't versus the committee as most of them are sport freaks...but still i gotta run here n there...sigh...drama...1st time in my life playing drama...(act lots things here are my 1st time). experience night...we were blind-folded again...me??!! hahaha...into a half dead situation that wenqi said i m lik a laptop when blind-fold me, i would be in a safe mode...dun really share much things with them...we asked to know what's the simple happiness, what's is the basic necessity compared to some valuable but unnecessary materials, our desire...(cert is 1 of the desire, attachment...should i let go???hahaha), then come to war-exp, disaster video...to be honest, act everything we are known cos listening everyday but how to feel it...u might feel sad at the moment when a disaster come, then after that? u'll back to ur own life...sadness doesn't help in anything...

4th day....
photo presentation...we were asked to choose a pic to take about...mine is a chinese word, 'jing'-净。 since i m so noisy, i should learn to be quiet?? nono....my jing here means i wanna peace, a peaceful heart, a peaceful mind, sometimes i get confused, worried of sth but try to get peace, let go of worries, uncertainty...(i was planning to say so but i din present this when i was there). we are so 'real' now, how when study life is fin? get into the real society...ll u still be the same? will you still help others without any benefits?

we pic and asking others to write some comment in the booklet...basically, my comments are all about: noisy, talkative, happy, hyper...

we were divided into 4 group according to Four Noble Truth....

dukka: 苦 (ordinary life brings about suffering)
the committee group, all guys here are sport freaks, included 3 sis...never ever tried to play any sport with them unless u r in the same group with them....

samudaya: 集（the origin of suffering is attachment)
sound like Salmonella...that i kept calling them salmonella...hahaha...
this is the most serious group, they even planned and wrote down the steps when playing chess

nirodha: 灭 (the cessation of suffering ia attainable)

magga: 道 (there is an eightfold path to the cessation of suffering)
my group!!!! but i kept calling it mangga....hahaha....
we had the least group members with the busiest committees...weakest group...ya we lost in the end but never mind....just to have fun there...

venerable master jie wen...who's a quite in monk...he introduced himself as 戒文 it is different from 接吻 - means kissing....

now i m back to my real life...feel lik goin back to a city now... huh?!adelaide is also considered as a city? i should say back to a bigger kampung from rural...

tell u sth...i've cleared my stock before leaving...basically, i had nth to eat when i m back...n it was a long weekend...i din stock up!!! luckily, i still can survive with my cereal and milo...breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack....ppl having mooncakes on mid-autumn festival...me? cereal n milo...
=.="

countdown

2009-09-28T00:03:00.002+09:30

counting down for my youth camp!!!

ya i m still a youth...hahhaa...still got one more day then i ll be trapped in the temple...

haven't packed yet! dunno wat to bring...sigh...weather forecast saying that it will be raining...it will be freezing cold...

i ll not have computer and internet excess!!!

2009-09-20T15:35:00.007+09:30

today i made up my mind to buy the cake in woolly...

wandering in rundle...wandering around...jus feel like wandering...
walking in woolly...rundle...dunno what m i doing...dunno what my mind thinking of...
feel weird...i was physically walking but dunno where my mind was...
finally grabbing a cake...

Y?
worried?confused?uncertain..
i know i shouldn't be thinking too much cos i can't do anything even though i keep thinking...
thinking of what?!

plain fantastic mid-autumn festival

2009-09-19T07:51:00.010+09:30

occasion: lantern festival celebration
time: 5:40pm
venue: gather at P3-20, heading to elder park
host: Rushi

kinda worried about it when laysim told me there would be 130ppl...waoo @.@...there was a way too many...

they welcome us with a dance, as usually having some dance before...

'because it is fri, this is the Dharma class, that's y we call this fri day Dharm class' this is how zhe wei introduced it...good effort...(Jo was laughing like mad)

after the Dharma talk headed to uni Adelaie?!collecting lanterns...
having a simple vegetarian curry, some quizes n a game in a group of 10...jus a simple running game...yea~~~we won it!!!

lighten up the lanterns!!!yea~~~

look at jo she was so happy...

playing with the lantern...

just a simple paper lantern...no fancy designed lantern of dragon, sailor moon, ultraman or even electronic running lanteren with music...just a plain 1 is more than enough...this is the purpose of a celebration...getting together, having some simple activities, just to have fun!!!

everyone acted like a kid that day...we even played a school kid's game -- eagle catching chicks (direct translate) on our own (beng2, sangleng, caryn, rachel, taulee, arvid, siewkim, kammun n a coursemate)...it was so funny...8 chicks holding together with a hen protecting us from being catched by 'the eagle'. can u imagine 10 adults running like mad on a field?!

just a plain celebration, no elegant dressing, no gorgeous decoration, no expensive food but it's fantastic...

a lantern that i brought back...a little damage to it because...wakakaka...

the bandage

2009-09-17T17:56:00.003+09:30

a credit to my pig friend...wang zhu ying...
thanks for making the bandage for me...asking u to move my name around...cutting the best angel from the pic...(ps: she even cut off my head, leaving my butt in the bandage and said that is nice...*-* =.=") after making changes a few times...i chose the very 1st design she made...wakakka...making her changing and sending the pic meaningless...

this time, i choose to put...
我的秘密花园
means my secret garden...

a place to store my memory...express my thought...my feeling...n...myself
a palce that i won't bluff myself...a real heart of myself....
and also a place to entertain myself....

(i've attached quite a lot to it this recently....it's good or bad?)

last blessing from me to her.....sakai

2009-09-17T17:27:00.007+09:30

happy 21st birthday though i know it has passed quite long...finally having u chance to celebrate for u...no fancy party no fancy...just a normal lunch

venue: Al Fresco
starter: puffs
main course: smoked salmon bread

look at her...staring at the bread...dripping...

as usual no surprise no expensive present...

just a handmade card...
n...

a flower...
一朵鲜花插在牛粪上
translated: a fresh flower on top of a cow's poo...hahahaha....

can't believe she describe it as that...anyway thank you very much...gal...
ALL THE BEST!!!

restaurant city

2009-09-15T20:56:00.005+09:30

addicted to the restaurant city these few days...ya not happy farm anymore
it is soooo cute.i even sitting in front of the laptop n staring at it for almost an hour... u can hear the sound of cooking n ppl eating n collecting money...now i even need to install toilet bowls...at 1st i think it is just for display only not until i see people actually sitting on it...it is so funny...

this is my restaurant, not big as others...

look! got ppl sitting on the toilet bowl...
hey, it's caryn! hey, u r peeing in public?! wakakkaka

pharmacy ball - hairdo

2009-09-15T00:31:00.006+09:30

12.09.09...pharmacy ball...

since i have no camera...i would just blog sth different - preball...din really realise anything until jo asked me wat to do n offered a help...hmm...i still had a week left...

dress?decided the day before...
hair? never thought of it but i wanna tight it...
ear rings? forgot till jo showed me hers...
i realised i need a necklace on that day...nvm...

dunno what had i done with my hair, i couldn't see. i jus pinned n pinned...use a lot of pins...hohoho
i miss the big mirror at home!!!

trying the ear ringsssss

999

2009-09-09T20:08:00.004+09:30

999...
长长久久。。。
forever love...

090909...
what a special date but the day is not...

yea~~~nothing so special to me...staying at home the whole day or be specific --- the room...doing those tutorial...ya...i have improved this time...2 questions for the whole day...yea~~~

gosh!!!
can't i be much more slower?

12 subjects in one semester

2009-09-07T19:20:00.005+09:30

can i finish it?

all subjects have massive questions and all questions are hard to answer. gotta do a lot of reading and research...it is very different from formal study in Uni. i gotta answer everything on my own. it cannot be found out directly from the text books or from lecture notes...ya, there is no lec notes...no tutorial...no discussion on each questions...no answers are given...sigh...

now i only on my way to tutorials, there are assignments too...all subjects have at least 1 each, some are 2...

i only have around 3 months left. do i manage to finish it? i take about an hour for a question, i m so slow...

i need more time!!! a lot of readings!!!

gosh...

journey to peace

2009-09-03T09:38:00.007+09:30

'i'm an angel of peace. i bring u tranquility. you ll have a smoother route.'

the guest lec gave us a small game after the class. i got the card of Shanti, means peace.

i m in a jungle. a pathway in front of me. i follow it. there is a sign board showing where i m going. this pathway gives me everything that i want according to my thought. i m enjoying, a lot of fun. i m indulged....

i m tripped over. everything has gone in front of me. i try to caught it but it's abandoned me. i m panic and don't know what to do. i couldn't get up. i hear a sound, a very light sound 'stand up...be strong...' i stand up and look around but nothing around me. i m lost...

i see a light. i follow it. the pathway is not placed nicely for me. i have to find my way. i can't see anythings. things doesn't happen as what i thought. i take my step bravely. i walk slowly, very slowly...

i don't know what the light will bring me to,
i wonder what will happen to me for every step that i take,
i take away my worries,
i m just walking....

pre-party for slim pig

2009-08-30T18:28:00.017+09:30

'hey, let's get her halogen balloons! there is a party shop in city cross, we can get the balloons there n u blow 1 in front of her (*sweat* =.=" y me?).'

a few months later....'zoe, the shop's closed down'

'hey, we can have a tea in glenelg.'

a few months later....'the tram will be closed on that day...'

'Jo, there is a nice cake shop in glenelg, maybe we can get that 1, a different one...'
i went all the way down, asking ppl around...
'yaya, just there only...u go....then...'
hmm...
'ya, it was there, but a few weeks ago, it'd closed down, dunno y...'
=.=!!!!!

close! close! close!
everything's closed...
(kinda frustrated to be honest)

we ended doing the old way, dinner at rundle but it's a pub this time - belgian beer cafe...
(luckily we din go far on this type of weather...it's good or bad for having those problem?! o.O!)

it is all about mussels n beers

the mussel veron gave me...
no mussel but a chilli inside...thank you very much...

nothing much i can show u cos i dun have camera...sigh...
(camera! camera! i miss u! camera!)

my blog for this it's not about the celebration it'sssssss.....

i got webster packs n stickers form the pharmacy community forum, we decided to make full used of it...packed it with macadamia nuts, raisins n raspberries...

a CMI specially for Macaraiberry

medicine only from ZoJoPharmacy...

yeah~~ i own a pharmacy shop...but with no QC...wakakkak
if damaged or expired, nothing to do with me...=P

hope u like it...^.^

what is the colour of your sky?

2009-08-29T09:34:00.007+09:30

if the sky is blue,
because i'm day-dreaming.

if the sky is red,
because i'm angry.

if the sky is yellow,
because i'm recalling the past.

if the sky is purple,
because i'm frustrated

if the sky is grey,
because i'm worried

if the sky if grey blue,
because i'm sad

if i were blind,
my sky will be colourful,
because nothing is more important than my feeling.

(translated from -@@-MITE*SEEING-@@-)

so...
what is the colour of ur sky?
mine is colourless...
i try to let go everything, stop thinking and worry of anything...
i m trying...cos i m tired...

communication

2009-08-26T22:01:00.004+09:30

it's a gap or misunderstanding?

maybe i should change my attitude of not liking to explain things...

mum always complains that we dun lik to say things clearly...
maybe this is the problem...
the inheritance of TANNNN.....

but y m i always in the middle???

pharmacist community forum

2009-08-22T18:43:00.014+09:30

this forum is for pharmacsits, it is hold for 2 days (21st n 22nd august) in Conventional Center, it costs AUD$3++ to get in...
of course i m not goin to pay for it to get in!
i m just the lucky one cos the tic is won by my smart friend, veron. she can't make it, so i go for her eat for her....hahaha....
it is highly recommended by my piggy friends...y?

jo: go n collect all the goodies bags...a lot food...
veron: the food there is really nice, eat more...

hmmm....y nobody mentions about the forum...???

there are only a few talks...about food allergies, complementary medicine, analgesics etc...nth much about it, all we have learnt in uni...
ya...i fall asleep...hohoho

a lot of eating time!
morning tea

lunch

afternoon tea

dinner

all about food??? o.O
this is what they ask me for wat....EAT....=P

another thing...goodies bags...

a lot of free stuff!
too much that i can't even carry...i gotta walk all the way back to put my stuff so that i can collect more...wakakka....>.<
luckily i m staying nearby...

there is a spa retreat as well....
make up, face n hand treatment, hairdo, massage, nail treatment etc...all are free...hohoho

nail treatment...
veron's favourite
envy? but u can't make it...hohoho

check out the free stuff!!!

countless of pens, cream n notepads....
webster pack, sleeping pills,
n even a comb...
jo said it's dropped by an uncle, i picked up n thought it is a free gift....
*sweat*

guama N bao

2009-08-20T00:25:00.009+09:30

finally, i decided to make it without any reason. I picked up everything and headed to Caryn's house...y? cos dun feel lik making alone at home (jo's abandoned me)...

mixing of the dough made me think of those days with her...
'Shze yee, come n help me...faster!'
She always says that when she was making bao (bun)...

it is guama's secret recipi...the buns she made were very nice n shinny n tasty...every time when she was making, she would call me n i was so lazy...couldn't be bothered...but now...i cannot help her anymore cos she can't make it anymore...she can't remember at all...i dun have a chance to say 'no' anymore cos she can't remember...

mixing...
waiting...
steaming...
hmmm....not bad...still remember how...

nice? it's her secret recipi too...
she mimic the buns of the Esquire Kitchen...so smart she is...
sometimes, it looked lik the shape of a shit to me....hehe...xD

it's quite soft n nice but not as nice as hers...
experiment was successful...there is some ingredients that i can't get here...i used self-rasing flour instead of 'bao flour'...making some changes to the baoooo....luckily it still comes out ok...hehe =P

maybe next time i can try to add filling...but...i dunno how to make 'cha xiu' (pork meat)...cha xiu bao (piggy bun-jo) she made was really nice...i can finish 3 or 4 at one time...yummy yummy...din get to learn it from her...

will try to put red bean sand if i've learnt how to make it...my next experiment will be it!!!
hmmm...maybe nutella also not a bad idea...actually we did it before...koko likes it very much...cos it's choc...

guama
din realise that she is so old now but cynthia has reminded me...
it was taken last year when she was visiting my uncle in Sydney...
it was her birthday but she din know...=(

ya...the little girl at the side is me...cute? hehhe...
she has been taking care of me all the way...
but now...she needs somebody but i m not around

my bag

2009-07-31T16:05:00.012+09:30

yeah~~~~
finally finished!!!

the inside of my new bag was torn when i came back from gold coast. i wonder how can it be? the materials of my old bag n the new one are the same. why the old one can last so long until now but not this??? o.O?

i checked n compared it with my loyal old piggy bag. i realised there was something different in sewing...

dunno why i decided to fix it....
i immitated the way the old bag was sewed, i cut off the inside cloth n replace it with my long pants...hohohoho...
since i have no sewing machine...i gotta sew it on my hand...m i crazy???i think so..

i can't believe!!! i make it!!!

ya...nothing so special about this bag. it just a normal bag that i bought from china town...
anyway...i have fixed it....hehehe =P

materials using to sew it

the left over cloth...or i should say...my old pants. i have given a new life to my old pants...hohohoho......
i was about to throw it...xD

my loyal piggy bag

i think it's been with me for....3 years...???
not bad...just washed n cleaned...still usable...hehehe....

better keeping u away from jo...or she ll cut u into pieces...o.o''

草

2009-07-25T12:36:00.002+09:30

原来外面真的还有很多芳草
可是我眼里

就只有那一根

既不能茁壮成长，又不能连根拔起
就让它慢慢枯萎吧。。。

我再也不想为它浇水施肥了。。。

2009-07-18T08:04:00.001+09:30

只希望你关心我多一点

空虚

2009-07-18T00:09:00.001+09:30

吃过，喝过，玩过，乐过，颠过，疯过。。。

我。。。
到底在干嘛。。。

5354

gold coast (09/07-13/07)

2009-07-16T21:17:00.026+09:30

this is my second trip with them...
9 of us all together...the same ppl who went to Barossa but without poh this time because she has gone back to m'sia...
4 days 3 nights

landed at gold coast airport...
this is the smaller airport i have ever seen...
even simpler than air asia one...
departure n arrival are only separated by a glass...
there was no bus stop near the airport...sigh

nothing much we did on the first day...
eating...shopping...bla bla bla...

gambling...
but we did play with real $...

movie world

this road show is a bit stupid...
the batman was too big n the car was too small that he was very hard to get out of the car...
he was stuck...hohoho...

sea world

dophin show

rainbow...

pub crawl

kammun is damn enjoying...

boon ping n rayvin

lih juen's dancing forcely

we ran from one pub to another pub...
we saw somebody dancing 'macarena' on the street
rachel n i joined them for awhile
but long time din dance cant remember the steps
it was my dance on the sport day last year in high school

stamps of pubs that we had been

burleigh beach

it was damn cold after playing with the water

y beng beng has boob...

2 girls n a bondan...
come on...

shy...no...

rayvin, our tour guide

my camera died after this

turkish meal...

highly recommended by rayvin
i don't know how to judge it but it definitely not suitable to me
i like the atmosphere there
we took a lot picture there

boon ping is a shy girl

hooisoo with 3 gorgeous wives...hahaha...

at the back is the story bridge
according to rayvin, this bridge should be in sydney but dunno how they rejected, replaced by sydney bridge now...

we were holding the bridge

normal
this is the nicest pic

abnormal...
kammun pulled his pants actually

bye gold cost

a group photo before we left
our plan

tiger airline

Adelaide Zooooo

2009-07-07T22:48:00.013+09:30

such a crazy day again...
jo n i planned to the Adelaide Zooo....

oh...it's winter now...din realise that autumn has passed so fast...

tickets...$18 for concession...quite expensive...

give u a few shots of animals...

Malayan Tapir Vs Brizalian Tapir...
Malaysia one just sleep...typical malaysian
they are quite smart in a way...they will be in the zoo the whole life...y dun just sleep?!

'timon!!!'
'what!'
'do u want to come back with me?'
meerkat...feel like keeping it...

gila orang ini...swimming with the seahorse...

something i realised while having lunch in the zoo...

the difference of going out with father n mother...
mother...with lots of homemake food...
father...just chips n sprite that get on the spot...

panda n penguin eating together?
so cute the way they place it...

since we were at North Adelaide, so...we walked all the way up to explore North Adelaide...
From Frome St to O'connell St...From O'connell st to Melbourne St...
lots of walking....
y?
first we headed straight to O'connell St for A.B from the zoo then we wanted to look for Elephant Walk, a desert shop, at Melbourne St...it's closed so we walked all the way back to O'connell St...
=.="

A.B......hohoho....

sunset...
we had spent the whole day outside...
tiredddd..........

缘

2009-07-01T23:24:00.004+09:30

生命是一种缘

能够相知相识，
是一种令人珍惜难忘的缘。

人潮中擦肩而过的行人，
屋檐下同时避雨的路人，
旅途中同乘一车的旅人，
都是有缘人。

雨滴打在额头上是缘，
落叶飘留在胳膊上是缘。

鸟儿在天空中相遇，也是因为有缘。

不是每个人都拥有缘，也不是每个寻觅的人都可以抓住缘。
或是有缘，或是无缘。

人生中有太多的不可知，
一个念头，一个决定，
便能抓住或错过一份缘。

选择了爱是因为缘，选择了不爱也是因为缘。
生命是如此，生活亦如此。

缘份是天注定，
有缘才能相见，相逢，相识，相知，
只等待缘的到来，却不去追求与抓住，还有这份的存在吗？

人是随缘来到这世上，
老师，同学，邻居，同时，像走马灯在眼前流动，
随缘而聚，随缘而散。
有的你把握了成为你的好友，知己或情人，
但更多的却只能与你擦肩而过，很快的就走出了你的视野，成为路人。

缘，在生命中邂逅，又在生命中流失。

My study area--McDonald

2009-06-22T20:34:00.012+09:30

After a few days of being bored at home...i decided to go to the McDonald in Glenelg to study...
why McDonald? Normally ppl will choose library... (cos i m abnormal)
i prefer to study in an environment with a bit noise...
library is too comfortable that I will just fall asleep only...

Hungy Jack in Rundle Mall was my study area last year...
Since I've known more ppl this year, I would not want to be there anymore...
Y?is it that bad for seeing ppl who u know?
autistic? Social phobia?
anyway I just don't feel like seeing anybody...

I grabbed my notes n book, took the tram straight to Glenelg...

Fish fillet and apple pie...my lunch...
it is the cheapest meal in McDonald...

Ronald McDonald was so popular there...attracted every kids

another kid who was more interesting...

i saw him playing with it while i was studying...
i quickly grabbed my camera n took a few...
luckily i went with my camera...thanks jo for reminding me...

Choc Soft cone~~~
My favourite ice-cream...basically, it already extincted from all McDonald but it still can be found in Glenelg...

for those who misses choc soft cone too should have one there...
Remember it is McDonald in Glenelg...

leave u with the other view of Glenelg

isn't this looked like toy factory in cartoon?

this was how i studied...hohoho...
today was McDonald in Glenelg...Where should I go tomorrow?

facebook Vs blog

2009-06-22T08:37:00.011+09:30

Facebook?
Ya. This is my facebook...
think everyone should b very familiar with it...
almost everyone owes it...even some of my friends' parents have it too...
it is not a new thing...it has been out for 3 or 4 yrs...i think so...i knew it 3 years ago...
it is just another website for making friends...a replacement for friendster somebody would say that

ya...as what i have said i've known it 3 years ago and owed an a/c but never done anything...
i m more active there since this year...
having contact back with some of my long lost friends...knowing what they are doing now via their statuses, activities or even photos in their facebook...

some ppl even play games there...
me?
hohoho...
Happy Farm...this is the only game i play with
y? because this is the easier game that doesn't involve many ppl, doesn't take so many quota, doens't need to use brain...i would say...just do everything with clicking...
here, this is my farm...still got 1h 11min to go for my pumpkin to mature...hohoho~

the first thing i do every morning n before bed is to check on my farm...feel very stupid but yet i still do it...sigh~

the most interesting will be the comments...
it is just like connecting everyone together even u r far far away...
just typing whatever u feel like saying to the status or photo or anything...
the person at the next corner will know it...
their notification is so instant...

facebook...it is so IN that it can even using mobile to login...
checking 24/7...
u can get into whenever u r shopping, eating, playing, sleeping or even in the toilet...
a friend of mine saying that this is his own world...
huh?
what do u mean that?
...........
...........
...........
own world?
ya...maybe it is so true...everyone needs their own small world...
to me...www.stories-zoe.blogspot.com...is my own world
A small world of mine that i can write anything that i like here

a new blog...
我的小小天地
My Small Small World~~~

OMG! Joan Teoh's in adelaide...

2009-06-11T11:34:00.026+09:30

adelaide is so small n boring...
where should i bring u to? What can we do?

Joan Teoh, another crazy person
her flight was on 26th but she missed it...she bought another ticket on 27th
27th...she nearly missed again...

1st itinerary...hahndorf

spring of hahndorf

puppet...

let's stare together...
that was my 3rd time here but it was my 1st time seeing it...

boxing...

2nd day

couldn't get up early in the morning?
time for u to pack...dun leave anything in my room again...

city tour
central market

marketing...

mushroom...

hmmm....

huh?!

ya...it's ladies...
y so stupid using the public toilet at victoria square?
Hilton Hotel is nicer n cleaner...it is my public toilet...

S-shape

stop pretending...i know u like to take picture...

bye bye~~~

i think u truly enjoyed urself here...
it is definitely...cos of me~~~~
hahahha

u left something behind again...
*sweat* =.="

May day

2009-06-11T09:23:00.054+09:30

Such a busy month...

8th...
activity: Crabbing
Venue: Glenelg

the net we used to catch crabs...
yikeat n kammun were untying them...

huh? what's this? Dumpling?
it's so cold that she said she just wanna stand din feel like moving...
such a joker

catching time...throwing the net into the sea!!!

huh? look at it properly...it is snapper!!!
snappers eats crabs....
how could we catch crabs with snapper head!!!
not a brilliant idea...

1st crab...
look at it properly...it's salmon head
crab ar crab...u r so luck for having salmon head as dinner but too bad...u would be our dinner later... O.O

it's doggie shark...caught by local ppl there

it was released back to the sea but its protecting part was removed due its market value...
i don't think it could leave longer...

star fish, another animal caught by us...

dinner time...
main course: tofu crab soup (3 crabs)
side dishes: chicken, meat n left over salmon head
serves: 10 ppl

this joker, doing mask, using man's mask at others place...=.="

drinking time...

me? sure, I did drink...
1st time drinking that much...very uncomfortable
bloating...cos of liquor of soft drink?
though it's just a few steps away from my apartment...but i decided to stay there for a night

9th...
activity: wesak day
venue: victoria square

food fair, performances....

focus on the one with orange...

what's he doing? covering his nose?
somebody farted?

last perfomance...a story of a monk.

9th...
activity: Rachel birthday's party
venue: basement, UV apartment

girls' photo
look at the purple mama sang...the host

strawberry cake by mama sang...
small but really nice...
with all fresh ingredients...

mama sang n Rachel

14th...
activity: My bday dinner
venue: scoozi

piggies...left out jo...she was in Berri...

thank you everyone with all the blessings...

17th...
activity: present time
venue: 1006

3 pinkishes...

my presents, from top to the bottom...

veron tried to kill me...

crazy joann..

thank you for ur handsewed pillor...jo...

27-28th...
activity: Joan's visit
venue: Adelaide

23rd...
activity: phantom night
venue: entertainment center, Hindmarsh

pregnant lady...wahhahaha...

28th...
activity: dragon boat festival
venue: uncle william's house, Burnside

big n small Daniels...

such a lovely father n son

30th...
activity: Medal jam finale
venue: the rabbit hole, hindley street

freak elite

陌生人

2009-06-10T23:09:00.008+09:30

曾是两个很熟悉的人，却变得很陌生。。。
见面宛如不相识。。。
两条平行线，没有交集。。。

你曾经让我习惯了你的存在。。。
现在你却对我置之不理。。。

似相近，却很远。。。

沈思

2009-05-31T22:28:00.007+09:30

与其为未来的怀疑与否定，还不如活在当下，把握现在，活出自我。

down-regulation

2009-05-14T02:07:00.004+09:30

‘Zoe,你还是那样子没变到。’有人在一个生日派队上这样对我说。

是真的吗？

这几天心情都很低落。

哭泣的感觉一直都由心而上。

今天，终于压抑不了了。

我，哭了。。。

想过一人到pub里去。。。

曾有几次的冲动，想买酒把自己灌醉。

醉了的感觉是如何的？

我曾告诉过自己不把不高兴的东西写上去，但我今天破例了。

明天，我还可以有灿烂的笑容吗？

Autism

2009-05-05T23:41:00.004+09:30

Being lonely?
going anywhere alone...
eating alone...

Nobody cares if u go toilet without locking or even closing the door
Nobody cares if the living hall n kitcken r messy
Nobody cares if ur stuff is scattered everywhere
Nobody cares if u on the volume to the max
Nobody cares if u dun wash dishes
Nobody cares if u r naked in the house
Nobody cares if u r screaming
Nobody cares if u go home late
Nobody cares when do u eat, how many meal a day, even dun eat

Never expect the noice is from the other room
Never expect the door ll open if u hear some noice from outside
Never expect there is somebody else when u open the door

it ll be very scary if these happen...

see u one month later, Jo

2009-04-25T22:18:00.001+09:30

bye, Jo...
have a nice trip to Berri, have fun...

me...
after sending her...walking away lonely...
there r some ppl in mind that i wished to call but i din...
i wandered in the market...headed to my old house to return shoes to Lih Juen
then only headed back to my house
the journey was quite long...

alone...
a song came into my mind...

Mr Lonely - Akon
Lonely~ I am so lonely~I have nobody~
To call my own~~~~
I am so lonely~I am Miss Lonely~

I kept on smsing jo the whole day
thinking hows she...

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head - Teshima Aoi
feeling so good when somebody cares of u...
thank you

dunno wat does the song imply, but it kept rainning for a few days...
disaster happened in my unit...
water came in through the window...super cold...
light bulb in the toilet fused and it was public holiday--ANZAC Day...

McDonald in harbor town

2009-04-17T00:46:00.004+09:30

ya, it is just a burger...

this is what I had in harbor town
after an hour of shopping...i went to eat on purpose...
somebody told me that McDonald in Harbor Town is nice, must try it!
while others were busying shopping, i went there on my own...
having a chicken classic

hey jo, it is ur big day!!!

2009-04-10T23:03:00.026+09:30

I was so tired and sleepy after a day of baking and cooking...
but...i still couldn't sleep...

dik dok... dik dok...

14 min left...

Happy birthday, jo!!!

hey, don't look at it like that...it's swiss roll! not a chapatti!!!
i know it's a bit funny...

can't u cut properly?!

cheers...

ur birthday cakes...good presentation...about the taste....hmm...
i will improve it...

let's pose, piggies...

piggies gang!!!hmm...ann, y are u so outstanding this time...

another pose, piggies

welcome to the party!!! or I should say, happy being released from the jail...

left over food for the party, tq lionel...

food for the party...ya, they already started to eat before the birthday girl... =(

let's party!!!

birthday wishes from everyone...
so hard for me to get everyone to write it down...
i m glad that u like it...

a flower girl...

so tired...finally everything had ended but yet...i still can't rest

such a busy weekend

2009-04-06T21:55:00.011+09:30

poor little salmon...
y can't u die peacefully...

salmon mafia...
OMG...somebody please rescue me...
my life is in a great danger for having such a housemate

jo, it is just a $2.90 salmon head. please dun treat it so badly lik tat...

our meal...udon with salmon soup

ya i m in a church
nope i m not a christian
i m just goin for fun

A sakai is playing a piano

say cheese, pancake king...

happy birthday!!!

wild life park

thank you very much

somebody please...
my life is in a greater danger...

hey, where are those mushroom?it is my prize!
huh?! i can't believe it! jo, u had finished it?!
by the way, i used all my effort to win it for u...

group photo...
Hmm...anyone notice?
y so many girls...
it was my question when i was just reached there...
anyway, i enjoyed it...

april fool

2009-04-01T23:18:00.008+10:30

being fooled by fren early in the morning....
city east fired?! ya i wish to...

went to adelaide hill...

look properly...there are tumours on the leaf.
cant rmb wat the plant is but it is interesting that the lumps are actually insects' eggs...there r inside the leaf.

wao...sailing on the lake???

nah...this is how they sail

v din really go up to the hill
v jus having lunch at Stirling bakery
the quiche was nice

it ll be cool if i can hav my birthday there. then having an ice-cream from swiss.
i wish i can hav it...tiramisu ice-cream...i miss u a lot...

i jus finish browsing my fren facebook...
being lost from KC for a few years, it is time to catch back with them.
i take my step to send msg to some of them...

kite festival Vs blood brother

2009-03-29T11:13:00.030+10:30

Jo and I went for a kite festival yesterday...
basically i had no idea where it was n how to go...
nvm...Jo would have done all the research...
v went by a train...it was my 1st time in the train
v get down at Glenville and it was at Semaphore beach

kites!!!

i cant wait to fly a kite on my own...v decided to get 1. It is $20.

it is diamond shape which is the most reliable n the easiest one.

what is she doing? tearing magazine?Destress?

answer...

to put our bags n for jo to sit on... :)

assembling time...

i am assembling the kite but what is Jo doing? sigh...

finally v have our own kite! ya it is purple, our colour.

flying time...

Jo...u r so talented...

my turn...oh...it fell...

try again...

not bad rite...

can u see? it is my kite...

it was fun n tiring that Jo even sat down n flied the kite...too bad i dun hav the photo...sigh...

after seeing jo n i...do u think i am funny? let's see this...

funny? hilarious? not yet...

3 guys were trying to fly a purple kite. but yet it still wasn't so good

who are they? basically i have no idea.
they are from UOA and came with Malaysian Association of UniSA.
question...y Adelaide U students with UniSA students? it's just happened...

It is Malaysian Association...huh!? can u find me?!
question again...y am i inside? it's just happened again...

come back to those hilarious guys...

what is he doing?

chill...not kidnapping. he is just putting sunblock for his friend... such a lovely housemate :P

ops...it's just a random photo...taken while waiting for the train...
we stood there for almost an hour...look at Jo...

they are the friends we met on the beach...blood brothers

they are so smart... sat at the bus stop and waited for the train...

we had our lunch at around 5...

too bad...no fish n chips...
whatever I am going to buy it from Glenelg tonight...
fish n chips for our dinner tonight...
wahahahaha....:P

烦恼？微笑？

2009-03-19T22:10:00.003+10:30

今天本想提起精神开始读书。可是就不知为何却很失落。找了几个朋友谈，但发觉他们很忙只有我不知在干嘛。。。

无意间我在电话找到一则短讯，这是去年朋友给我的生日祝贺。。。

人生本来就很多疑惑；
不管经过多少失落；
阳光日出明天依旧等候；
闭着眼不想现实有多无奈；
今天不想昨天的事；
把快乐的心情放在每一天；
用微笑忘掉烦恼。

：）