my secret garden...

I always ask myself...
if i din go...
if i din come...
if i stayed around her...
will she deteriorate so fast?

i know it is a chronic disease, it ll not develop in a day...
but yet i still ask myself like that...

if i m able to stay with her, to take care her, or may quarrel with her...
maybe...maybe her symptoms won't occur so fast...
maybe she might still able to take care of herself, cooked for us, did sth that she like, hung around with her friends, talked to the phone...

maybe i have made a wrong decision...
sometimes, i keep blaming myself...
i might be one of the causes...

y should i leave since i wanna go back?