To ZOE

just randomly coming back here...never expect tat i would put down a few words after closing it up for so long....

reading back the articlesss....still got feel...start to appreciate more about my life, my experience...

因缘。。。

people come people go

it's so quiet suddenly....

looking back those pics...their activities in msia...
suddenly feel so worried...dunno what ll it be???
always hoping to go back
when time's coming, i start to get worried..
things that i used to do in msia, i cant continue anymore...i m too old for that, it is time to grow up...it is time to make some changes...
friends? i dun really have many back home....but we were quite close one time...
have been away for a few years...
looking at their changes...
friends that i used to hang around....ll be different...they have grown up...
everything ll be different...
starting to get used to here but i cant say so...people come people go...

how good would it be...if i never experienced any changes...
when u have only one goal, u ll go for it...with ur best...
when there are a lot of choices,u ll think it is worth to do so n so? ll u regret if this n that...

i really wish there aren't any big changes in my life....

心淡,心碎

有时真的觉得很心酸...

你把他们放在心上...在首先...
可是对他们而言...却不是这一回事...
有时真想到回以前,不与任何人熟悉,至少不会觉得失望,心寒...
你越在乎的,却是越伤你越深...

我越来越不能走出这种感觉....

因缘

if not cos of it...i wont have so much time...involving in those activities...having a bunch of brosss...

if not cos i was in SIT...there wont be a queen pig...piggies would have less a member...

(for so many pics we have, i still like this the best)

if not cos i m in adelaide....

if not cos of it...i wont get closer to them....


i wont get to know them....



i wont know so many good n nice uncles n anties...n shifus....

n some other new friendssss.....

it's lost or found? i have no idea...
it is all about fate

my feeling's starting to get complicated....
where's my fate would be? next yr?....

因为如此而有了这样的缘分

说无情既有情
说讨厌却又不舍

在准备考试的这一段日子里,
很多过去在我脑海里飞过...
在我第一年到这到现在
我在乎的人,失我的人...
有点懒得去想去理会了...

越来越想快点回家...

有点饱和了....快点考啦....

又再次崩溃了...并不是为了什么...只觉得很累很累....
时间越逼近,想回家的心情越强烈.
真想此刻回到的是自己的家,而不是冷清清没人的屋子

不知是为什么...
我越来越不想跟人打交道...
做什么都提不起劲,没兴趣,只觉得很无聊...
闷闷不乐...

我好像在周围建了道防护墙
不想让人步进也不想走出去

basically, i dun feel like socializing, not emo, just being lazy...
i used to like to make myself happier, better everyday but now...
i jus feel that everything can end soon..
i want to say bye bye to everything here, everyone as well....
i need a new start....
now only i know that i dun actually like here that much, start to hate it actually....

真的很没意义...

在Adelaide三年了...做过什么,为什么,忙什么,奋斗什么...只有三个字没意义
这可说是我人生中最没意思的三年...
又没干过什么特别有意义的事,又没特别的高兴,又没真的学习到什么(有,只感觉到负能量)...
简直是不三不四,浪费时间...

真想快点结束2010年

Sunday...at the temple again...
was quite surprise when i first saw some decoration in the 'library', then i recalled that today was 'elderly day'. they have it every 3 mths. jus to celebration birthday for elderly whose bday fall in those 3 mths...

as usual, i hided myself in the kitchen...
'fry the tofu for me.'
'cut that vege for me.'
'help me to wash the noodle.'
'help me to look for tomatoes.'
'help me to wrap presents.''
'bring that for me...'
everyone kept calling me!!! which one should i do first???!!! S.O.S...@@

not many ppl helping in the kitchen...ya, as usual i was the only youth there (not many ppl like to go in but just dunno y i feel more comfortable mixing with them). an untie kept coming in n asking me to go out to help her...but others not allow cos not enough ppl in the kitchen...lol...then she came in n called the '2 bday 'gals'' out for celebration...kena 'scolded' again......wakaka...

was damn busy...but i enjoyed...lots of jokes n laughs the whole day...ya of cos...because i'm 'belonged' to the kitchen, i get a chance to eat special food....wakkakkaka


hmm...not many ppl actually...but that is not the main thing...happy to see everyone smiling n some activities for elderly...


'gui ying jie'...wowowww....she is very good at singing...she was entertaining us for the whole morning...

'leong pak'...he had stroke during this CNY...n he is in the nursing home at the moment...since then we ll visit him every sun...chit-chatting with him...i m not going as often but others are...

'yuk yi'...the 'youngest' one in the kitchen...n the most energetic one, u can spot her in most of the pics...=P...this is her great-grand

'ho tai'...the 'boss' of the kitchen...she has a very bad temper...but she was in a very good mood today...i said i wasn't feeling well n she made cocacola with lemon for me...surprisingly...everyone was so surprised too...

all the 'sou seng gong' 'sou seng lui'...hee...

master...jus a random one...it was on shifu's seat when i first get in...ya, i went to shifu's hse again...heee

i think i truly got sick...i feel a bit 'hot'...cannot!!! more activities coming...
越来越不舍得...

power of blogging

i like to blog again...

feel so good every time after writing something here...
especially, when i was a bit down or 'messy'...

this time is not about my activity anymore...
more about myself...

feel like writing diary...

when i was in my high school, my school wanted us to write sth to our form teacher every week or at least every month...
it could be anything...it's liked a dairy or weekly dairy
i used to hate writing...cos i dunno what to write...
i ended up never writing anything in my last few years in high school...
now, i feel like letting my form teacher to 'mark'
if she saw my 'diary', think she ll refer me to the counselor, i would call them 'counselling teachers'...

where is my heart?

我的'心'不见了...
行尸走肉,我在干嘛...差不多三年了吧!!!

责任感不见了,
开朗的性格不见了,
以前,永远处于兴奋的状态,
从不计较,不想太多,只会往前冲,凡事用心去干的陈诗瑜去了哪?

现在,永远处于低沉状态,太平静了...
难道我成熟了?终于长大了?可是这为免太慢了点吧...

我还是比较喜欢以前傻大姐的我...是不是都傻笑一场...
该'心'抓回来了...

用心干!
smile...

其实还蛮不舍得在如是,在竹林建立起的友情网络...

down to Murray Bridge

yesterday i went to Murray Bridge for an intern interview...i took a bus from the city and changed another bus in Mt Baker. i was quite relaxing on the bus this time...i felt much more 'freerer' compared to my previous 2 trips (Mt Gambier n Victor Harbour). felt like i m having a vacation...i quite like the place actually...dunno is cos of my mood or what...i felt everything was so good yesterday...

一样是一个人不同的是心境
was alone too but the feeling is very different

i have taken some random pics...

Mt Baker bus station, this is where i changed my bus. it is the end of the metro bus service.

the view when i was on my way back

but no matter how....decision has been made or i should say i have never changed my mind actually...

hmm...feel like having a trip here...houseboating sound interesting...

梦醒...改变...

梦醒三步曲:

• 凡事别想太多,别猜疑
• 只收藏开心事,往好处想
• 忘掉过去,向前看,明天会更好.保持开朗的心情.

老实说一天没改变环境,是很难从新开始的...不过我会加油的!!!
陈诗瑜,你一定要开心!!!
smile =)

i wish my blog will be happier...i need a new adventure!

jia you!

人常常最容易的就是忽略了'身边'的人



....
算了吧!

回首三年

留澳的三年...我做过什么? ...我只不过是过了个没意义,没目标,没乐趣的三年...
留澳的三年里,它磨掉了我的乐观,磨去了我的欢乐,抹杀了我的人生,不知所谓的三年...
澳洲拿走了我许多的眼泪...为些不入流的人掉泪,烦恼...真讽刺!!!

够了!!!我受够了!!!
真想尽早离开这里...
这里只给了我悲观的人生...我只存有在这里的负面档案...
学会了憎恨,不满,比较,埋怨...

我开始不知高兴的感觉,不知如何笑,不知如何与人沟通...有点封闭自己的倾向...
明明不想笑还是要对着人强颜欢笑,明明不想讲话还是要对着人开玩笑...
陈诗瑜,你几时变得这么虚伪,你的大邋邋的性格去了哪?!!!爽快的个性去了哪?
由心而笑的笑声去了哪?喜欢带给大家欢乐的陈诗瑜去了哪?
什么是快乐????
开始有点讨厌自己...

veron, i think u r the only one who notices my changesss...thanks for ur reminder...
jo, u r the one who brings a true happiness to me...thank you very much...somehow i lik to be with u due to ur cheerfulness and positiveness...

是时候醒了...

WTFUCK....

'wah, the mirror is so big! Wah, the table is so big!!!! Wah!! wah!!wah!!!' people would say that when first seen my room.

'Wah the Fuck!!! wah the Fcuk!!!' but, this is what i think!! it would be nice if thing is practical...but this...WTF!!! the mirror so big for what?!!! can only see half the body...r u a ghost?!! only has half body?!! or u just flying one...oh yea~~~if that u definitely won't scratch the floor...the table so big for what?!!! cos of it, i can't push my bed all the to the wall...would u like it if u kick something while u r sleeping?!!! i have tolerated myself for all this...but what the FUCK....others would just say 'y can't u be consideration for others? y can't u just (this)...(that)....' does anyone consider my feeling?

ya the house is nice but sorry i dun appreciate it...cos of such a landlord...i would rather have the small cosy UV especially when ur privacy is not being interupted...inspect! inspect! inspect! then nagging! nagging! nagging!...i dun enjoy staying here at all!!!!paying such a rate with such house n location ya...it worth!!!! oh well....ya, cheaper than UV, bigger than UV, nicer than UV.....but i dun enjoy...what is this for?!!! Last year in Australia?!!! bad bad lousy FUCK suck impression for me....SUCK Susanne FUCK Susanne just won't let me to have a peaceful time...since the first time i talked to her....i dun like her....maybe she thought that way to me as well....but i dun care!!!! u thought u r the landlord, then can just walked into others house like that?!!! u thought u urself is the landlord can just disturb others to the max with a sms like that?!!! Renovate woooo....'i just want to please everyone so...' if u r out my sign then i would be happy....looking at u, i dunno how to smile...sorry i can't smie at people i dun like n when i m not happy....not like u...fake people....(these r people who can win in this real life....i would be a looser...i know...)

AUSTRALIA!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

This year is such a SUCK SUCK year....especially when my life has first tied up with her....staying in her apartment is the start of my nightmare....i can't deny that my personality has changed a lot in this year....

i dunno since when i start to be hatred...never have such thing before in Msia....

parcel from malaysia

that day, i've jus collected a parcel from the post office...

it is a parcel from my brother. he kept asking whether i had have it for the past few days..kept complaining why i never reply him...hey...i just got the notice to collect on friday evening, how was i about to get it? scolding him from the phone...'y dun u just open a post office here? then i can collect it anytime...'

hmm...i never ask anything from him n my birthday has past for agesss....n i already got a card from him which exactly the same from last time...=.=" anyway, it's a small box n i saw 'key chain' written there...har?!!! giv me a key for what?!!! i opened it in a food-court n i saw 'OLAY-Total effects'...har?!!! facial product????


ya, it is jus a box to protect it...there 2 key chains. hamburger with a mirror n a donut...do u know that it ll make me think of food if i look at it?!!! why food?!!!!



it does smell like a hamburger actually but it doesn't smell as strong as the 'buns' that i saw last year...luckily...heee....

at first, it didn't seem to mean anything to me...
'sharon n i found these cute so send to u.' this's the msg i got from him...
feel so good n sweet when there is somebody who would think of u even u r so far away...
who ll still think of u when time passing n everyone all around other places???

since i have been here, i get to exposed to a lot of things...

sports, especially, rushi youth group has brought me to a lot of sports which i have never get to play before in msia. the first time i get involved was the Mini Sport Game last year. I've played volleyball, badminton, fooser and basketball....other than that, i get to play tennis and table tennis...this year i had a chance to have performance on the stage...a lot of memories...knowing lots of friends...

freedom...is the most thing i have here...go out anytime i like...n get back anytime...hanging around with friends...or maybe in friends' house...chitchatting, has trips...happy?

i m confused at the moment. is this a life? days without family...is that what i want?

no matter how i m, i still feel something missing in my life...sth i m not understood. y they can just leave their family, their parents?

do i still have wings? can i keep flying? can guama 'be kept' longer? is it worth for me to invest another year of my life?

i think i m too heavy...

holiday!!!! finally i have a break!!!!

dun feel lik doin anything...starting to mold at home....
watching hong kong drama the whole morning...relaxing....
but...jus dunno y....i m very worried suddenly, feel weird suddenly....

a feeling that cannot be described by words...

seem to have lots of frens....but...no one that i can talk to...

sarcastic!

friendship??? what's that???
u treat others as frens...care about...giving support....
but to them....u r jus a clown...

hey....it is time to make a summary to my life again...busy busy....i m always busy...
busy for this and that...in the end, i have no idea what m i doin....



tired...tired...tired...

maybe i m tired cos of the placement?
maybe i m tired cos of my future?
maybe i m tired cos of keep thinking, picturing...

i just feel very tired....

smiling on my face becomes lesser
happiness in my heart becomes lesser...

maybe i m just so stingy...
stingy to smile
stingy to laugh
stingy to talk
stingy to feel...

very tired...

missing home very much...starting getting used to the life here...tiring to get start again...where should i go? what should i do? where is my comfy zone? where m i belonging to?

hate to choose
hate to think

can anyone just pick for me?

to u, maybe i seem very decisive...
BUT i m not....